Page 54

Page 54

I have a crush on this one person. It has gone on since my last year in the Diploma and that was quite a long time ago, now that I have finished my Degree and unemployed. Over the years, we build an up and down relationship. I break down quite a few times, mainly due to the limit internet access (the cheapest way to communicate with anyone this era) and that I do not want to be perceived as desperate. 

Recently, when I try once again to contact that person, the enthusiasm level was not the same. I feel like that person does not want me to be there. The reason why I cling to that person for a long period were that that person is so funny (could be one of the few who could crack me up all night long, which is exactly my type), down to earth, weirdly good looking (non-traditional handsome, ), love the smile, one way or another we share the same life's situation and real. 

One reason why we could not work out is the distance. That person is not interested in a long distance relationship, while I want a partner that can be there whenever I need him. With the latest lukewarm welcome from that person, I do not think I want to wait anymore. I do not need the feeling to cling to someone that I cannot hold on to. There is no safety. About time to let go of something that feels like a burden to the heart. Making your feeling numb to the others. 

As I am posting this entry, hopefully the feeling for that special person who have had my heart these years, gone and stay as a memory. I am dead serious. 

p/s: Maybe it is not the time yet for us. Future or in next life; sure, not near future. 

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