It Gets Better.

The idea to write this entry come from Perez Hilton who posted dozens of tweets in light of the recent rash of suicides of teenager who is bullied in school and called fag in the school.

As a teenager (i'm senior of teenager cause within a week, i'm no more teenager, lol) myself, i have experienced such things, like being called fag (pondan) or others inappropriate terms which i don't think the caller even know what it means. The pressure was really high and can't be explained. I remember when i was around 12 to 14 yo, about to do a jog in my previous village (Pujut 8, Miri), kids my aged called me with very bullshit names and i end up doing sprint cause i feel like i just want to runaway as fast as i can from the painful situations. Very hurtful, indeed. I can't do anything at that times cause for sure, they outnumbered me. They laughed at me for who am i. Not cool, its like they are laughing at God's creation. Most importantly, these people go to the church every weekend and they still laugh at God's creation. I just don't get it.

I guess the reason why my parent don't allow me and my siblings to socializing with kids around my neighborhood is they don't want us to be influenced by the negative attitude the kids got. I don't get to play football (or soccer) with other kids cause if i do, they (the bullier) don't allow me. I was once play soccer with them and i end up get some hits from the ball and i can't really walk for the rest of the week cause they are not kicking the ball, they kicked my legs instead.

p/s : And ever since, i never play the soccer anymore though i'm still watch it.

I got a very long eyelash and when my teacher mentioned it, some kids in my class then start to called me "drag queen". I was hardcorely bullied in my primary school period. I lost my school shoes after some kids take it and i have to walk barefoot to home. I don't care to walk barefoot to school but i'm pissed cause now, my parents have to buy a new shoes with monthly salary less than RM1000 (USD350). My monthly computer class fees (RM30) always missing cause some kids steal it from me. I remember when i was cleaning my classroom window, some kids pulled away the chair i was standing on, the whole mirrors of the window breaks as i was falling down. My school stationary is never lasted more than 3 months as kids take it away from me.

I'm glad i have never been punched by them or involved in a fight but the feeling is like they are stabbing you on your stomach with a very sharp knife.

Above all of that, i have never thinking to take my life away cause i still love God and my family, my parent specifically. I want to grow up and change it. I want to show to the bullier that i'm stronger than they could've think of.

I might not yet there but i think i am better than them. The kids in my village growing up became a loser, just like before. None of them are good at studying or working.

As a conclusion, life is suck a lots during my early teenage year but it gets better as i'm getting older. To all the youth who is being bullied and can't take it anymore, just hanging on cause i can promised you that it will get better at the end.