Restart Love

Let's talk about love. More specific, restarting love. Came across this one video in YouTube of The School of Life, titled How to Restart Love, or something like that. I will attach the video below.

Anyway, from that video, here are my seven answers to the How To. Yes, these answers are specifically for someone and if not him, maybe someone in the future if I'm fortunate enough to love again.

1. The things I'd like to be appreciated for...
... my effort. I know I can give more to you but I'd like you to say to me, as an assurance, that you like what I have given to you. That I'm trying my best to be the best for me, you and us. That you acknowledge everything I do, is for you, if not for us. That you appreciate the fact that I'm saving all of me for you.

2. When I'm in panic, I...
...I would shut down. I don't know what to do or say. So yeah, I would go silence for a bit cause I'm calculating my actions, so that I won't hurt you in any way. Though sometimes, I overthink about it but yeah, I shut down completely if I'm panic in any social interaction. I don't know how to project my comeback without sounds very mean cause I can be mean. Mean to you is never my goal. Just be patience with me, I will try my very best to give it a shot eventually. 

3. I'd probably be more normal if the following hadn't happened to me in the past...
...I don't know what had happened in the past that make me abnormal. I have got no clue. I have been go through so much in my short life. The death of my father is a fucking blow to my face. I'm more guarded and at the same time, more of a giver. I'm very close out for a moment, trying to protect my ownself from getting hurt. I'm not an open book as much I would like to, I have problem in getting my visions shared cause I afraid that it won't happened at all. It can took years for me to be really open up to you, once I'm very comfortable to you.

4. What I'd like to be forgiven for...
... is that I'm not very approachable and that seems like I'm holding tonnes of secret. I didn't mean to. I want to share it with you but you just have to follow my timeline. Trust me, I hold nothing that can hurt you. I know there should be no secret in a relationship but I'm not being secretive to you, I just need time to tell you about it. I'm sorry too if ever something I did that I don't even realize is hurting you. I don't mean to. 

5. Where I'd love you to realise you hurt me is...
... when you talk to someone else like the way you talk to me. or the way you look at someone, same way you look at me. that hurts my self esteem. Like, was I not enough for you? Am i not good enough for you? That fucked with my mind and confidence. I don't want to be treated like everyone else. I know you love me more and only, but it pains me when you do that. I'm a very strong person but that hurts my confidence. 

6. What would help me to change is if you...
... just communicate to me what you don't fond of about me. You know I would do anything for you. If there is a part of me that can't accommodate what you needs, I need you to tell me instead of keeping me in the dark about it. I want to know what I can offer, what I can do to get better for you. Just talk to me, I love a good thorough conversation that will helps us to build a stronger relationship. 

7. What I'd miss so much about you is...
... everything about you. Your presence. Your smile. Your sense of humor. Your laugh. The way you look at me. The way you hold me like no one else can. The way you're being territorial towards me. Your neediness. Everything. I can go on, on and on but I think you get what I mean. You is what I'd miss so much about you. Future doesn't look so bright without you in it. 


p/s:you're still mine, in my heart

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