......

I can't think of any better title than that. That is what in my mind right now. Nada. Zero. Blank. Okay, maybe not really but that is not the case.

Today i got a really earthquaking news from my sister. Even me myself don't know how to react to such news. The last time i got such news was when my sister told me that my dad was in ICU. This time around is worst than that.

I'm not manipulating my dad condition, okay? I'm not that type of kid. Of course there are many way to express your problems but this is my way. I can't express the word from my mouth. If you still think shit about me, get the fuck off from here. You don't know the situation (not the Jersey Shore douche).

This time around, my sister told me that my mother asked me to go back to Miri to see my dad cause his waiting for me (maybe he could go peacefully after that, which my mom told me) and postponed my exam. And at the same time, i have my finals on next week Monday. If i'm going back, then its like i'm killing my dad and i kill myself.

And my sis inform me that my dad is not encourage me to go back but focused on my study.

I can't even proceed more about this. This is just too painful to say or type. On 4th November, doctors will inject something to my dad body to paralyze him, so he can't feel the pain anymore. That is just so sad and speechless. Dugaan dari Tuhan, indeed. Too much to handle. That news (i just received) is a sign of hopeless. Where is the miracle when i need one? Wait a minute, i never been so lucky in my life. Why bother asking for miracle? Sigh. Very sigh.

OMG.

I'm crying deep inside my soul.

OMG.

Wait for me, dad. I'm going back this 15th November, if i could. I miss you so much and i do pray for your health but God is busy with other people prayer which i think more important than this. I want to say 'I Love You' before you go in peace. I want to hold & hug you tight and kiss you. I want to ask for forgiveness from you (even i know you do forgive me). I just want to fill you with my love. I want to say 'Thank You' for what you've done to me and us. You are priceless and if there is pyramid of best dad, you are at the top. Please, don't go before i could meet you personally. Hold on for me, love. If God listen to my prayer tonight, we will meet eventually. I love you.

p/s : My dad says that i don't need to go back now cause we will meet someday. Just make me love him more. I know he is holding there for me. I will do my best here, dad. I remember last time we met (back in July), you are sick but still energetic. How much everything changed since that. :(

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