Suicide : Not An Option


Written on 13rd February 2012

What if I died today? What would happen to those who I left?

I know I sound kind of crazy. I did thinking of to cut my wrist with scissors just now. I don’t know why. I don’t really have a bad life so far that would pursue me to suicide. Life is good, just the people and me that are bad.

I thought of my family as I’m almost cut myself. What will them reaction if they found me lifeless in this very chair that I’m seated in my room with the blood pouring out of my arm? For sure, they will only found my body when my mom goes back from work at 4pm and if I’m committing suicide at this hour, which will be 19 hours since then. My mom certainly will burst into tears and scream her lungs out. Man that will be the worst thing I ever did to my mom, if I did. She raised me for almost 22 years and I simply ending my life like that without ever paying back to her, very cruel.


After that, she will call Jacq and Lyn before any of them will call Mike at Kuching. Both of my sisters will be back to home as soon as possible and Mike will buy a bus ticket from Kuching to Miri that night. I expect Mike to reach home before tomorrow Afternoon.

Man, what a vision I had. I can’t live with that fact; or died. I must live until everybody is happy and until I’m old enough that I need someone to taking care of me. Haha.. God, lift me up when I’m down with bad spirit and insane state of mind.

p/s: I’m crazy and I know it.

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